The Little Wooden Boy

02/07/2009 by Steve Tierney.

The Little Wooden Boy
Just imagine for a moment that Pinocchio were a Labour Parliamentary spokesman for North East Cambridgeshire.  (A stretch, I know, but stay with me.) 

The little wooden fellow would want to demonstrate that his party would be a force for good in the area, right?  That they were most certainly not naughty boys and that his mentor and creator Geppetto Brown had everything in hand. 

But what a terrible day it would be if the local college had suddenly and “inexplicably” lost its funding.  He would know that the reason the money had run out was because Geppetto had no idea how to manage his finances.  He would also know that what money there was had (also “inexplicably”) all been given to places which didn’t vote for Geppetto’s main rivals. 

“I promise you,” The Little Wooden Boy might cry in his best falsetto voice: ”It is not politically motivated.  Really, truly with sprinkles on top!”  He might ignore the fact that all those other funded colleges are in Labour areas.  Or he might try and suggest that poverty in those other areas was to blame, while utterly dismissing the large pockets of deprivation in the place he is supposed to be a spokesman for.  (With friends like this…)

Whatever he chose to say The Little Wooden Boy would be unable to hide the truth because the whole time his nose would grow and grow and grow.  Sooner or later, a rhinoplasty would be necessary.  I believe Bupa offer the service, Mr Roberts.

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